Gratitude

Thank you, Kai and Tea, for helping me pay attention to the small things in life. In them, I have found such beauty.

Fading light

Sometimes I see something so often, I don't really look at it anymore. This afternoon, this witch's ball hanging in my bathroom caught my eye. I was struck by how much its shadow has moved since last May when I first tried to capture it with my camera (unsuccessfully). Today, once again, I tried to get a picture of the light turquoise green image it cast on my shower wall, but then I turned around and realized how beautiful the ball itself looked, glowing in the window as it caught the remaining drops of the day's golden light.

Enigma

I drink out of these glasses nearly every day, and never have I seen the circular rainbow reflection encased in white that showed up this morning at breakfast.
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I think I solved the mystery--it must be the white handled spoon with trains on it that's behind the glass. I moved everything except for that when I was trying to see what was causing the reflection. It was much more fun when I didn't know the cause--seemed a bit magical....

Completion

I knit and pull out stitches
and knit and pull out again,
then patiently untangle
charcoal gray yarn
and replace it
with a better color.
Plunging my hands
in the soft, warm balls of yarn,
I weave my fingers
and thick plastic needles
in the tan, soft brown, and latte colored strands
of bulky alpaca yarn,
while watching my children play,
while chatting with Grandma Janice,
while sitting in a circle of friends,
while eating at Shakespeare's pizza,
while sitting in my rocking chair...

The scarf is now complete.

And so is the visit with
Grandma Janice.

The tears flow freely
as we say goodbye today,
goodbye to three weeks
with her,
goodbye to bedtime stories
and breakfast, lunch, and dinner with her
and goodbye to stories about her childhood,
her deceased husband, her loving father;
and goodbye to her laughter
and goofy antics
and all of the
dishes she so kindly
did each day.
And while she can't
stay
we give her some
warmth to comfort
her on
her way
home...

Ah, mechanical pencils...

I am so thankful for Kai's obsession with drawing. We found a mechanical pencil in the drawer yesterday and he made an amazing octopus. Then we discovered a stash of mechanical pencils this afternoon and the two of us drew these dragons. Kai told me how to get started but decided to watch me draw mine first and then do his. I was on the phone while he was finished and was blown away by the results!

I had forgotten how much I loved mechanical pencils when I was an artist. They add so much precision to a drawing--the perfect thing for a detail-oriented guy like Kai.

brush strokes

Warmth

Warmth
has been on my mind
lately.
My feet and hands
are cold.
The air outside
is bitter.
My hands have
been furiously
knitting
an alpaca scarf
for Grandma Janice
who is always
cold
too.
As I reach
for my camera
to take a picture
of my developing project,
the front page
of the newspaper
catches my eye:
Thrift store
sees record
need.
Now
my hands
will search
for extra
scarves, mittens, blankets, hats, and jackets
for those
who are
much colder
than me.

Dreamy...

I've been watching Jack Johnson videos on YouTube today. I thought Jack Johnson and Ben Harper were a dreamy singing combo but then I heard Jack and Zach Gill, and then Jack and Dave Matthews. I'm a bit out of the loop in terms of the music scene, so I don't know who Zach Gill is but uh, yeah, he's cute and has a great voice... (Maybe I should stopped drooling over Jack Johnson long enough to read the album info from Jack Johnson's Sleep Through the Static. Zach Gill played keyboards and sang!! Here's a link to his music.)

I was in the kitchen thinking, "Oh, Jack Johnson and Eddie Vedder--that's my dream combination." Lo and behold, a few minutes later I accidentally stumble across this:
Eddie Vedder & Jack Johnson - Constellations (live at Kokua)
The Kokua Concert must have been amazing. I think I will put seeing Jack Johnson live on my "to do" list!!

Rainbow, Interrupted

Prism.
Sunshine.
Rainbows
on yellow walls.
Capturing them
with little hands.
Take a picture.
Edit.
Savor the results.
Like an artist painted it,
says Kai.

Beautiful Soul

Tea flopped down on her bed yesterday and told me to take her picture. I captured more than the moment. Her wise old soul seems to be peering out from that little body.

Monsoon

The $3000 Saxophone

That's the title of my dream last night. Any time I dream about numbers or money, it's a bit bizarre, and this dream was weird and vivid, as most of mine are. It has lingered in my consciousness all morning. In my dream, I am with an old friend and we approach a door--outside of it stands a former high school classmate who used to play the trombone, and in the dream, this classmate has some sort of grudge against me. Somehow it comes out that this trombone player is selling a saxophone and the friend with me happens to play the saxophone. He grabs the soprano sax and starts playing it and hits the most perfect notes with it. He pauses and asks how much the guy wants for it. Stunned, he replies "$1600." So my friend plays the saxophone again, this time even more beautifully, the notes rising and reaching perfection. "$3000" the guy says, suddenly realizing the value of this instrument he is selling. "Good," says my friend, "because I have $20,000."

What does all of that mean??? The dream is memorable because of the beautiful music but also because of my shock of the price of the instrument. However, my friend who was playing it, knew the value and felt it was worth it. I told him that he had an expensive hobby. "I shop at thrift stores," I joked. It was hard for me to imagine spending so much on something.

This all may have something to do with the West African drumming workshop I plan to take this weekend. The woman who teaches the class also makes the drums, and they are quite expensive. It seems all of my hobbies are expensive too: pottery, photography, and it if goes well, drumming. I haven't played the drums since 1992! The connection between a saxophone and drums other than the fact they are both instruments? My first choice for instruments in sixth grade band was the saxophone but about 20 other people wanted to play that, so I chose the drums instead. I don't regret my choice but I do wish I had learned to read musical notes, something that was unnecessary as a drummer.

I had to look up saxophone prices when I woke up (just for fun to see if my dream actually got the prices right--it did) and then the symbolism of the saxophone. In terms of symbolism, all I found was a website selling instruments, but they did have this interesting little tidbit about their West African logo, which makes me think this dream partly highlighted the importance of bringing music back into my life.

Curious about our logo? It is based on two adrinka symbols from West African wisdom traditions. The symbol on the left is the adrinka SESA WORUBAN symbol, meaning "I change or transform my life," and the symbol on the right is the adrinka BI NKA BI symbol meaning peace and harmony. They symbolize what you can do with music (transform and enhance your life) and what music can do for you (provide peace and harmony)! Are YOU ready to begin the journey?

Emptiness

This is a post with humor. I just had to get you with the title! Jevon jokes that no one reads my blog, but for my faithful reader(s?), here' s a good laugh for the day. So many of us do feel a little empty after this campaign, not to this degree, though! Jevon and I don't know what to do at night now that we can't read CNN.com and Huffingtonpost.com (and Fox news just to see the right wing bias). And what are the comedians going to do? It seems a little hard to make fun of Obama. He's actually a respectable, moral sort of person.


Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Bound together

Today Kai went up to Tea and gave her a hug and said, "Tea, I love you. You're my best friend." Awww.... that was a killer. Most of the time, I'm playing referee, even though I know they love each other.

I think Kai has always loved Tea but he's been a little jealous. She took away the undivided attention he was getting before she was born. As a wise mom once told me, when a sibling is born, our children don't always understand what's happening. She said it's like saying to your husband, "I love you but I'm going to have another husband now too." It was a long haul before Kai and Tea really got along (or rather, before I could leave the room without worrying that he would hurt her). She has always adored him and is so forgiving and gracious with him (more so than she should be, I think!). I hope they treasure their years together. It's so weird to think we really only have our years at home with our siblings. After we move away, we see them much less, sometimes not even once a year (in my case).

Kai tied his and Tea's wrists together today with a homemade yarn rope. That way, they could stay together, he said. And when they walked, he had to wait for her instead of racing in front of her as he always does.

What a special bond siblings share...

Here's a chronology of some of my favorite photos of them together:

One hour oldWaiting until she's old enough to play

A touching momentSweet Kisses (photo by Stacie Pottinger)Hair styled by Mommy

Don't squish me!

Mr. and Mrs. Claus

Aww...

Following in his footsteps (photo by Deanna Dikeman)

At Shelter Garden (photo by Deanna Dikeman)

Tied together (taken today)

Creativity

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
--Anais Nin

When I started painting in high school, I could only copy things. I would take a picture and then try to paint it. Most of the time, it was frustrating because I couldn't get my painting exacly like the photograph. During spring break of my senior year, my dad and I went to Colorado to pay a surprise visit to my brother and sister. While we were there, we went to Boulder (my favorite place) and visited an art gallery where a Native American artist painted round three dimensional paintings that almost looked like a snail shell cut in half. The art was amazing because of its beauty but also because of what he was conveying about his culture. As I was admiring the art and talking to my dad about it, the artist came over and talked to us! I bought a postcard and he autographed it.

Coincindentally, when I got back to school, my art teacher Ms. Gugel brought me a bass drum cut in half and a snare drum head. I was a drummer and she knew I might enjoy painting on drums. Somehow that trip and seeing the round art made me realize that art was more about decoration for my bedroom wall (that's how I had seen it before). I could convey an emotion or send a message with my paintings. After that I created my two best pieces of art. One was a watercolor painting of several butterflies strung together, one blending into the next. It was inspired by my amazing English and Theatre teacher, Mrs. Trezona, who loved butterflies. The next painting I did was on the bass drum. I drew the famous Sioux Chief Sitting Bull's face in the center and all around him were four trees, one in each season. The roots of the trees formed the wrinkles in Sitting Bull's face. My art had taken a new direction. Unfortunately, after high school, I didn't do much more painting.

Over the years, I did try to capture the beautiful things by taking photographs. For the most part, I was limited by my cameras though, so I could only shoot things as I saw them. Then I got my Nikon and tried not to edit the photos because I thought they had to be true to life. I had another moment recently that changed everything. I saw a friend's photos that had beautiful vivid colors. I asked him how he managed to get such color and he told me to use the vivid setting. Not only did the vivid setting change my photos, I think seeing his photos changed how I saw the world. I realized that although I no longer paint, I can still convey emotions and messages with my photos. They can be my art!

Speaking of artists, we've always known Jevon's sister Tracey is talented. She paints, embroiders, crochets, knits, etc. Last weekend she came to visit and brought Kai a special treat--a series of cartoon characters she created several years ago after a dream she had. We were all blown away. Here's one picture she drew and Kai's attempt to copy it.

Afterglow

writing names in the air

Who knew how much fun glow sticks could be, especially when you can relive it by taking pictures at slow shutter speeds? The kids and I couldn't choose our favorites so we just posted them all. It's interesting to note that their glow art reflects their fetal movements in the womb. Tea's motions with the hot pink stick were small and delicate, while Kai's movements with the orange stick were wild and energetic.

When the leaves are gone...

I've been thinking a lot about why I love fall but why I also love winter. This quote really helps sum it up:

"The leaves that seemed so important, the outer foliage that we thought defined who we were, falls away and leaves us bare to the winter winds with a subtler kind of beauty."
(From Wabi Sabi Simple by Richard R. Powell)

Winter is a time for reflection. I enjoy the fact that we can't spend as much time outside and we can just stay inside and keep warm while doing crafts, baking, and reading books. I am usually reading about 10 books all at once during the Christmas break! This has been my tradition for as long as I can remember to spend lots of time reading and reflecting after the flurry of gift making and cooking and visiting with relatives.

I like this quote too:

"The Chinese say, 'To attain knowledge, add something every day; to attain wisdom, remove something every day.' [...] I see that loss can help attain wisdom. Along with the sad losses of life there are also the liberating losses of pride, and fear of what others will think. By realizing that the leaves of life come and go, a person is free to focus energy in the deep and earthy storehouse that trees call roots and we call our soul."
(From Wabi Sabi Simple by Richard R. Powell)

Bathe me in the colors of Fall

The leaves have nearly blown away, but I had one more good day of photos just before the election. (See my Flickr link on the side of the blog--you'll find many of my Fall photos there).

Today, the leaves remaining on the trees at Stephens Lake are faded and waiting to hitch a ride on the next big gust of wind. At home, the woods behind us are bare, revealing the skeletons of the trees. Only the brown oak leaves hang on--and they will for a good portion of the winter, trying to give us some color during those long bleak months.

These two pictures were taken a little over a week ago. They are the essence of why I love Fall: the color combinations, the blue skies, and the bright, yet translucent leaves that overwhelm me with their beautiful colors.

This Jack Johnson song "Talk of the Town" has been in my head lately and it seems to go well with this post. I'm so excited I finally figured out how to add YouTube videos (although this one is just audio for you people like me with slow-as-molasses internet connections). Enjoy!

Beautiful...

Someone said this in response to an article about why Jesse Jackson was crying during Obama's speech on Tuesday. It's so beautiful, I just had to share:

Rosa sat so Martin could walk
Martin walked so Barack could run
Barack ran so our children can fly

Kai racing his shadow at Stephens Lake

Speechless

I have so much to say but am at a loss for words right now. I feel like I have been crying for days. Tea woke up during Obama's acceptance speech so I brought her out to the living room so I could watch. She was lying in my arms and at one point looked up at me and said,
"Mama, what's on your neck?"
"Tears."
Tears of such joy.

I so agree with Obama when he said this election brought together so many people: young and old, Republican and Democrats, gay and straight, white, African-American, Hispanic, Native American, and really the whole world. There is an amazing slideshow on Huffington Post of the rest of the world reacting. It's incredible to see people in other countries weeping tears of joy for us. They, like us, know this is something big. I am so thankful this happened in my lifetime--it really gives me hope for my children's future.

Kai and Tea went canvassing with me yesterday, and when they woke up today, I told them Obama won. You guys were part of history, I said! They don't understand now but someday they will.

Here are a couple of images from Monday that seem to reflect my mood right now. I feel such peace now.

Hope...

I voted and drew this on my driveway afterward.

Hope is in the Air--literally!

Hope is an airplane flying above your head with a sign flapping behind it that says, "VOTE OBAMA."

This was as we were walking to the car from Stephens Lake. I was wearing my "Another Mama for Obama" shirt and had just finished an interview with KBIA 91.3 FM at the playground (they approached me). I'm on a roll with the media lately. Last Monday, it was my Mario Manzini photo. On Saturday, I opened my new Mothering magazine and started reading a letter that sounded familiar and realized it was mine! I had written to the magazine telling them how much I loved them and how their magazine always gives me hope!

Now we will see how this interview turned out. I would much rather be the photographer than the one photographed, the interviewer not the interviewee! In high school and college, when I had to tape my speeches in speech class and my radio shows, I never watched or listened to them. I couldn't stand it! And I just am that sort of "foot in mouth" person that says or does something stupid. I shouldn't even share this, but I have learned to laugh at myself. When I worked at The Buckle clothing store in college, a TV station was doing a story and filmed me dressing a mannequin. Not even realizing it, I was dressing the mannequin in the same cream sweater and red skirt I was wearing. Boy did everybody at work get a kick out of that one!

But this post is not supposed to be about me. I'm not an egomaniac, I swear. It's about hope. I hope that airplane was a sign. I hope Obama wins. And if you haven't cried yet today, look at this lovely "Tears for Obama" slideshow on Huffington Post.

Now I'm going to go and blanch and freeze some spinach to distract myself. Doesn't that sound like fun?
A spur of the moment piece of art I created outside after we saw the Obama plane fly over our house